One year ago today

One year ago today our lives were changed forever! On one hand it is so hard to believe that is has already been that long, on the other, it feels like Emery has always been a part of our family.  I want to thank everyone who reads this for being a part of our journey.  For praying for us, and for supporting and encouraging us.  As a reflect over the past year it is so amazing to see what God has done through a simple act of faith on our parts.  How our lives have been made so much richer by this child.

It has been a quite awhile since my last post (in fact I had to go back and read it to see where I left off!)  So a quick recap with pics!

 June:  Last summer we made the trip North to go visit the fam and introduce Emery.  After meeting all of her cousins (25 total) her question to me: "Why so much family mom?" :)
)

School started in August and we made the decision to put her in first grade with her peers, and it has been a great one!
She has thrived in her classroom and is doing great, although she is not really sure about this phonics thing.  We also placed her in Chinese school on Sunday afternoons to learn Mandarin (she spoke Cantonese, which disappeared when she became fluent in English in June).

Fall was fun celebrating her first Halloween and  Thanksgiving.  The idea of trick or treating was a little nerve-wracking at first, but she quickly embraced the free candy. :)



She also made a short video at Thanksgiving.  I decided to share because there are so many people who will never actually meet her, that I wanted to let you get a glimpse of what a treasure she is to our family--the only thing I am bummed about is that you don't get to experience her wry sense of humor.

Christmas was awesome.  It has been such a joy seeing her heart be open to Jesus and being able to explain the true meaning of Christmas to her.  Not that she didn't enjoy the presents!

February:  Chinese New Year and her first birthday February: us!
So many things I have left out, but thanks for staying with me this far!  In an earlier post I alluded to the fact that originally I hoped to adopt a younger child, but God made it clear that Emery was our daughter. Her ability to remember her life in China and share with us has been an unexpected blessing.  It has given us so much insight into who she is as well as caused much laughter in our home.  She has a way of dropping bits of information at unexpected times, sometimes poignant, sometimes sad, sometimes hilarious.



One such gem was dropped on me a couple of weeks ago when Emery asked me:

"Hey Mom, do you remember the day I met you and we took a picture and you had your hand on my shoulder?"
Me: "I think so Em, why?"
Emery: "Because in my head I was saying, 'get your hand off my shoulder', but I didn't say it out loud."
Me (laughing):  "Good to know Emery, thanks for not saying it out loud!"

or: "Mom, when I get married, he has to love Jesus AND be good at math.

Or when we found out she had never had a birthday cake just for her, (made me wish a done a little more!)

Lest I let you think everything is sunshine and roses, please know we have had our moments. Moments when her grief overwhelmed her, moments when the sheer craziness (aka laundry) of having 4 kids overwhelmed me! Moments when Emery and Raegan were fighting, moments when I thought how are we going to send 4 kids to college.....

But the greatest moment of all is when you realize that God had ordained this from the beginning.  If becoming a parent really helped me understand God's love for his children for the first time, becoming and adoptive parent really brought home how much God loves us and desires for us to show His love to the world.

So thank y'all for sharing in our journey.  Our hope is to encourage you in whatever your unique calling is from God to make a difference in His world.  Much love to all!

How a stranger becomes your child

Where to even start....... I can't even begin to tell you how challenging/frustrating/amazing/fulfilling these last couple of months have been.

I want to start by telling you all that there are so many people who would be better at being an adoptive mom than I am.  I am sure I have made so many mistakes in these first few months, it is only by the grace of God that things are going as well as they are!

So confession, I am a google junkie, and I can't tell you how many adoptive mom blogs that I have read.  Some are inspiring, some are overwhelming, and some just make me feel like a  Pinterest fail (those that are like me will completely understand that last statement).   But I want to say thank you to all that take the time to record and share their journey, it helps to know that just like no two children are the same, no two adoption journeys are the same. I write this hoping it might encourage someone who needs it.  So here is some truth folks:

When we accepted Emery's referral I was scared.  I had doubts, big doubts.  You see, in my adoption imagination I had pictured a precious 3 year old.  Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love that preschool age.  But this is where trusting your spouse in the process comes into play: my husband had no such doubts when we received Emery's file. Our agency told us that they had a file they wanted us to look at, they knew she was older that what we had originally be thinking, but we decided to look at it anyway.  When we reviewed her file, we decided that we had no reason to say no to her, other than she was older.  I wrestled with this, is it right to turn down a file for a child who needs a home just because she was older than what I thought I wanted? (she was still younger than our youngest, in fact she had been that precious 3 year old age when we started the process, bumps in the road just took us two years to get to the point where we were reviewing files)  So when I was wavering he was there to steady me.  God also used a woman I had never met to speak to my heart at just the right moment to encourage me to go ahead. Even when we landed in China I was still scared. The day we got her, scared.  The first couple of weeks home, scared.

What was I so scared about?  How was I going to love this stranger, this little girl with a fully-formed personality as my own?  It was easy to picture falling in love with a toddler, someone who was dependent on you and was just discovering their personality.  But I had no idea how I was going to accomplish that with a little girl who we had been told had definite ideas about herself and the world already.

And let me tell you, those first few weeks were rough.  She was adjusting as well as could be expected given the jet lag, the language issue and the fact that her whole world had just been yanked away.  I felt more like a babysitter than I did a mom.  Of course I did all the mom things, but honestly, they felt more like a duty and responsibility than something I did out of love.

I watched as she bonded with her sister and brothers, how she had captured my husband's heart right away and thought,  this is all good, she is loved and even if she never really feels like mine, this is a good thing.  Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I didn't care about her.  She is an awesome kid, she is funny and adorable and smart.  But she didn't feel like mine.  She was a stranger, albeit a very cute one.

Fast forward, it has been 12 weeks since we met our new daughter and I can't tell you when it happened, or how it happened,  but she is mine.  So how does a stranger become your child?  All I can tell is you one day at a time.  I don't know when something shifted in me, when my heart changed, but all I can tell you is one day I knew for sure that she was meant to be in our family all along. That I loved her like I do her siblings.  That God had a plan for her, and He worked in spite of me to make sure she got here.

This is not the end of our story, merely the beginning.  I can only imagine the twists and turns, the ups and downs and challenges we have yet to face.  There is so much yet to heal in her heart and progress to made in her being part of our family and feeling the love and security that comes with that, but today is a good day, because I am her mother. I know that there are no guarantees in life, but that we are going to walk through whatever is next together.

So why do I share this?  My hope is that if there is one person who is on the fence about whether or not they could adopt, whether or not they could love a child that wasn't "theirs", whether or not they are a good enough mom,dad etc.  That they will realize that it is not about being perfect, that you will be probably screw things up, that you may not feel love immediately for your new child, there may even be times that they truly annoy you and you wonder what you done to your family. That you will truly seek God and not depend completely on your own logic and reasoning.  God has strategically put people in my life to help me overcome my desire to depend only on myself and is showing me everyday how He loves us, his adopted children.


(That's enough of the heavy stuff for now :)--here are some fun pics from the last couple of months)

Pool time!

Crawfish Boil!  She was a champion with the crawfish

Hanging with Kyle at the dr.'s office

last day of Kinder

At Raegan's dance recital

Her Royal Highness

practicing the royal wave

Disneyland, the longest day & two weeks home

Hong Kong Disneyland:  So we are Disney people, and when my kids found out there was a Disneyland in Hong Kong, the begging ensued.  A little bit of research revealed that it is a pretty good deal (about half the cost of going here) and we told them if time allowed we would go.  

One of the only parks with a public train that is Micky themed

Well, time allowed and we spent our last day at Hong Kong Disneyland :)  Everyone loved the park! The Jungle Cruise had fire...need I say more?  We also really liked the specific-to-

Hong Kong rides, Mystic Manor--think Haunted Mansion premise but amped up with new tech and magnets instead of a track--and Grizzly Gulch, is by far one of the most fun roller coasters we have ridden.  It was a lot of fun introducing Emme Lu to the "wonderful world" on her own turf.

We were told she wouldn't be a US citizen until we landed in Dallas, but I think she become one when we took the obligatory on vacation kids in jail pic :)

The Plane Ride Home:  Suffice it to say, it was LONG!  We were all exhausted at this point,  I think the 2 1/2 weeks hit us all at once.  Raegan wasn't feeling well and I think she slept the entire time. We have all decided we really do not like airline food! (at least not in coach)

The last two weeks:  So, jet lag pretty much kicked our butts, I think it took me almost 6 days to begin feeling like myself again.  So those first few days were a little rough.  Sleep deprivation, new schedules, new surroundings,  Google translate fail (we can talk to her, but it doesn't discern her dialect very well, and a friend pointed out, it might even be the pitch of her voice) and a little heart that is grieving what she left behind.  Thankfully, things began evening out towards the end of the week.  Oh, and a note, if Dave were writing this, he would say everything has been smooth.  She loves her Dad and everything is always happier when Dad is around :).  Mom gets all the angst and anger and frustration.  But we are working through it!  I am glad she feels secure enough to express herself (although there are times I REALLY wish I knew what she was saying!)

Emme Lu has already picked up some English, and definitely understands more than she can express at the moment. It is exciting to see how quickly she is adapting.  She is already asking to go to school, so that will probably be the next thing we tackle.

The second week has brought a leveling of sorts.  There are still the daily ups and downs, but rest and a slow acclimation to her new surroundings has brought down the intensity a notch. It is so much fun to watch her as she discovers new things and learns new words.  She has such a zest for life you can't help but share in her enthusiasm.

One of the greatest things (but also the most heartbreaking) has been the evidence that she was clearly loved by her foster family.  We see it in how she interacts with us, and in the level of confidence she has.  But this also brings her the greatest amount of sadness as she continues to process that she no longer has that family. 

Reflecting back on our trip, it was definitely one of the most difficult yet rewarding experiences we have had.  We are glad we made the trip as a family, (oh, and Colin did amazing with his Type 1 while we were traveling) it was an experience we wouldn't trade! 

We met some incredible (Peoples and Williams, you know who you are) families along the way, and ask your prayers for them also as they adjust to their new lives.  The power of prayer has been so evident throughout this journey!  Please continue also to pray for us as we begin to introduce her to Jesus.  Mostly she just thinks we are hilarious right now when we pray, but we know God is working on her little heart. We are continually grateful for the all the love and support that has been show to us throughout this process, thank all of you so much!

(And a couple of pics from home!)

Thumbs up, it was a good day!

Discovering power rangers thanks to our awesome neighbors!

Almost home

We are on the home stretch!  This last week was spent in Guangzhou.  Friday we took the bullet train from Changsha...

The only thing I can tell you about taking a train in China, is that you need to move fast (translate:run) to make it onto your train on time!

We arrived late Friday night in Guangzhou and checked in at the Garden Hotel. 

Saturday we went for  Emme Lu's medical appointment. 

 The medical center was a little scary for the kids, but as parents is was just so encouraging to all the different families there. Kids all of ages with all different levels of special needs.   It was truly inspiring to see everyone.

On the main floor of the building there was a wine vending machine....enough said. :)








We were then in waiting mode until Tuesday and our consulate appointment.  So we did a little bit of sightseeing on Shamian Island and the zoo.

We were really glad there was no shotting on the island.

Feeding goats at thte zoo

Kyle's proof we were in China: Kung Fu Panda 

hanging out at the hotel

a little Mexican food in Guangzhou...San Antonio you have nothing to worry about!

Tuesday we had our long-awaited consulate appointment.  We were there with about 15 other families.  Currently the consulate processess around 3,000 adoptions a year down from over 10,000 5-6 years ago.
There are no cameras, phones etc allowed inside the consulate, so here is our picture outside of it. That space to Dave's left is to allow us to photoshop Kyle in, poor child could not get himself out of bed and ready to go by 7:45 that morning.

Wednesday while waiting for our visa to be ready in the

afternoon so we could head back to Hong Kong, we checked out another market.  I have never seen so many beads in my life.  It is really too bad I don't have a crafty bone in my body!

Finally our visa arrives at 4:30 and we are off to Hong Kong in a van.

We got to our hotel around 7:30 on Thursday, and it felt so good to relax and know we were almost done with the process.  Emme doesn't become a US citizen until we land in Dallas.   One more day here (that will be a separate post about our time at the happiest place in Hong Kong :)) and then we are headed home!

The last 10 days have been full of happiness as well as challenges, and we are pretty sure we have some major challenges yet to come!  Emme is mostly a happy girl who loves life, but you see the moments when sadness overwhelms her as she is proccessing all the changes that are occurring. She is really good at letting us know when she is frustated :) (she has a really good set of lungs!)

Please pray for her continued adjustment and our communication as we are now on our own!

Introducing......

Please meet the newest member of our family: Emery Wynne Lantz!

So here is a quick rundown of our week:

Monday:  We went to the adoption registration center in the morning to meet our new daughter.

It went surprisingly well!

We spent the morning with our guide and went out to lunch--- apparently we were the first foreigners to visit this restaurant (Langer Restaurant) and if you ever go there in Changsha you might see our picture on the wall. :)  We then went back to the hotel to relax.  Emme Lu (this is what we are calling her right now as a transitional name between Lulu and Emery) played with Colin, Kyle and Raegan all day.  We were grateful for such a happy day.


Tuesday:  We went back to the registration center to finalize the adoption so that they could prepare her papers for her visa.  Things went great until we were about to leave.  Raegan and Emme Lu had been playing when Emme tripped and fell.  She started crying and that was the catalyst to unleash all that was going in her little mind and heart.  For the next thirty minutes (although it seemed much longer at the time) she proceeded to unleash (loudly)  everything that she was processing. Through the interpreter she shared that she didn't want to go to America, she hated us, hated airplanes, shewanted to know why if we were her family we hadn't come to get her as a baby, how she was never going to forget her Chinese, how she was going to send money to her Granny (her foster mother), and a number of other things.  It was so hard to watch her little heart break and not be able to do a thing about it.   When she finally settled down, we went to the park and walked around (even though she said the park was ugly and she didn't want to be there :)).  Over the next hour her mood slightly softened and we went back to the hotel where she seemed to regain some of her previously happy mood.


















Wednesday:  We went to the orphanage to meet her foster parents. We found out that she had been with them for several years and they were very attached.  We were a little wary after the previous day, not knowing what this might trigger, but it went well.  She was happy to see them, but as we were leaving took my hand and Raegan's hand as we got in the van. Visiting the orphanage was difficult.  It is a very well run facility, but it is still heartbreaking to see all the little faces.  I was so ready to scoop up one little girl and just take her with us.  It was hard on our big kids too, the reality of an orphanage is truly heartbreaking.

Thursday:  We did a little sightseeing around Changsha.

 The weather is cold and rainy, so we are pretty much stuck in our hotel with little to do.  We pick up our papers on Friday and take the bullet train back to Guangzhou to complete the remaining paperwork with the US consulate.  While an interesting city, we will be happy to leave Changsha. (There are so many more photos I would like to upload, but I have been having difficulty with our connection) Thank you so much for your prayers and support thus far. One more week to go before everything is finalized and we can come home.  We know that we have a ways to go before Emme Lu feels completely secure, and we are sure there are some meltdowns to come (without a translator to tell us what she is saying!) but we know we are right where God wants us to be!

Please continue to pray for our transition to a family of 6!

The Bump in the Road

So there is a train of  thought that is pretty common in adoption circles:  Expect the unexpected. Don't be surprised when things don't work out as planned. You will face obstacles.  So we can testify--all true. But sometimes even the most flexible and adaptable families can get punched in the gut.

(Please hear this: what I am about to share I am in no way attributing to our adoption process, but rather realizing it is a reality no matter where we are in life, or what we are doing. I think we are just more acutely aware of it when we are actively pursuing something.)

We are still on track to leave February 24, and all is well with our beautiful new daughter, but a week ago Thursday we received some life-changing news about our oldest, Colin.

Colin was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  Talk about about the unexpected.

So if you don't know about Type 1, it is an autoimmune disease in which the body attacks itself and destroys the beta cells produced by the pancreas that create insulin.  So as of last Thursday, Colin is officially insulin dependent. (If you are interested in learning more Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation-jdrf.org  is a great site that has more info than you will ever need).

After a night in the hospital, a day at the endocrinologist's office and a lot of self-directed research we are doing alright. Colin has taken this all in stride, amazingly so. (Much better than his blubbering mother this past week.) We are adjusting to this new life of counting carbs, measuring blood sugar, and injecting insulin.

We are so grateful that this diagnosis was made before we left for China, as crazy as this week has been, experiencing it all in a foreign country might have put this mama over the edge :).

We would appreciate your prayers for our trip, that we become really good Chinese carb guestimaters, and that everyone stays healthy while we are away.

We leave on the 24th, so our next post will be from China!  Thanks for supporting us on our journey, that's all for now :).

The Lantzs

The TA (Travel Authorization)

We have finally been authorized to travel by the Chinese government!  So what does that mean?  It is the last step in finalizing our plans to go and get our new daughter! (Well, second to the last step—there always seems to be one more.)  We can now submit dates to the US consulate in Guangzhou for our final court date that will issue our new daughter her passport.  Once we have an approved court date we can set our travel plans. We received our travel visas a couple of weeks ago, and were hoping things would be coming together soon!  Fun fact: while my and the kids visas are good for 10 years, Dave’s is only good for 90 days because he is a pastor. So we were starting to feel a little antsy waiting for our TA.   Right now we are hoping that we will be able to leave the last week of February-beginning of March.  

So, if you haven’t been around Dave or I and our cell phones recently, you have probably not seen a picture of our new daughter, so let me introduce you:

Lulu (her nickname—we have not decided on her official name yet, I have this weird thing of needing to physically meet my children before I can decide on their name—and yes Dave just goes along with this— is 5 years old and is from  Changsha in the Hunan province of China. 

From what we understand she is a fun kiddo with a feisty personality and should fit right in with my quiet, shy, introverted children—sorry for the weak attempt at humor!   We cannot wait to meet her!  And no she does not speak any English, nor do we speak Mandarin,, Xiang, Gan, Hakka or any other form of Chinese.  Thank goodness for translator apps!

So, hopefully everything is going to come together quickly now! Please pray for us, for our travel and our planning, but most of all for our new daughter.  Her world is about to be turned upside down, and we want  as many prayers possible for her (and wisdom for us) as she starts a whole new life. 

I will post again before we leave for China.  Once again thank you all for your support and encouragement,  having friends on the journey makes all the difference!

p.s.  As I am bloggerly challenged, if anyone can tell me how to change the square pic that appears with the blog post on FB, I would be grateful :)